Age of Reason

I tried not to sound too depressed as I'm sure I'm just miserable!

The reason it occurred to me to post and I failed to mention it initially was that one of the things Hamm posted originally was one area where I fell down - socialising happily with partner's friends was something I struggle with. As someone with strong introverted preference and happiest socialising with close friends & family, spending time at bbq's, party's etc is like torture!
 
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:lol: Yes - all that's totally cross-gender! And everyone's a reforming firebrand until they have to work to support themselves (unless they take the soft option to become a parasite), and then, over time, all those 'everything should be free', 'money is murder', 'capitalists are pigs' slogans start to be replaced by 'it's the third time they've missed my wheelie bin' and 'Josh is doing so well at pre-school' twitterings.

StevieT: I think it's important to strike an understanding on those sort of differences. I had a guy live with me for a few years who brought NO friends at all to the relationship and, when I asked him if he wouldn't like to have a couple of the workmates he did seem to like come to the house for drinks/dinner, he very accusingly asked me "why?" as if I wanted to create a harem of attractive young men. (As if!) :whistle:

After that, whenever party time came up, I'd ask if he wanted to go with me and if he said he didn't, I'd bog off by myself. But, 2-1, just as I'd start getting ready, he'd make a big deal out of deciding to go, too. I would've been happy for him to go, and just as happy for him not to go - I don't think that there should be a feeling of 'having' to socialise together, although where there are youngsters concerned, it's possibly nicer for them to have both of you around than not.
 
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Oops! Sorry, read that as "I intended to be cross-gender" for a moment, and thought of PM'ing you the contacts of some very nice people here in Brighton...
 
Finding this a fascinating thread, mainly because my son has just gone through a painful break up with a long time girlfriend and, thankfully quite a few things mentioned had been pointed out to him by me. Having lost most friends and family when my marriage ended [they were all his friends and family] I'm adamant that people shouldn't immerse themselves totally in a relationship, but still keep their own sense of identity, pursue their own hobbies and maintain their own friendships. However, I was looking at the whole thing from a female aspect, and it's interesting to see the other side [although there isn't much difference, I guess]. Could never understand people not allowing their partners to have complete freedom; neither could I understand anyone expecting someone to take part in any activity that bored them. the last few years have been spent with someone who watches races, tennis and football with me, having spent most of my adult life watching sport on my own. What I've never understood are people that have to spend the whole time with their partner, but perhaps thats the result of being an only child and being happy with my own company [in fact, I need to be on my own for a lot of the time].
 
Steve T said:
Without sounding too depressing, I could merge this topic with the 'Life Sucks' one quite easily!

At 33 I had a flat, (expensive) car, was self employed but on a long term contract with a big blue chip, the greatest girlfriend who had 2 great young children I was able to be a father-figure to, though we lived some 70 miles apart. Having spent the previous 20 years following football, racing and sports in general, when the weekend came around if it was a choice of a trip to the seaside or watching the North London Derby / Grand National it was no contest, my knotted hanky was packed. 18 months later and I had managed to screw up said relationship, move 70 miles in the process after end of long term contract, taken shitty job doing work a poorly trained monkey would manage.

Another 6 months on and I have a room in a house, no car, few friends and wake-up each day dreading every minute, be it work or not. Sometimes we need to appreciate what we have, wish I'd thought of that 2 years ago.
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Don't be too hard on yourself. Everyone has big ups and downs, and at least you know what is important in life (not North London derbies, for example :)). What is stopping you working towards the type of job you had previously?

There is nothing wrong with being introverted.
 
Hamm said:
There is nothing wrong with being introverted.
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I had to look up introverted for an exact meaning. I assumed it was simply a shy person. Living 5 days of every week in Tallaght have certainly given me a lot the traits of it.
 
Steve; don't feel a failure because a long distance relationship didn't work; long distance relationships don't work no matter how much effort you put into them.
 
moehat said:
Steve; don't feel a failure because a long distance relationship didn't work; long distance relationships don't work no matter how much effort you put into them.
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I disagree. Of course they can work, in the short term (a few years). In the longterm it will cause a strain.
 
True; but there are far too many levels that they don't work at; one being that, when you are with that person it has to be 24/7 , so it's a bit all or nothing.
 
moehat said:
True; but there are far too many levels that they don't work at; one being that, when you are with that person it has to be 24/7 , so it's a bit all or nothing.
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I understand your point and if it's not 24/7 it can cause trouble but both parties must be flexible. If you're both under 30 you should be living in each others pockets.
 
Unfairly women don't have garages or garden sheds to disappear into; my dream is to have a caravan in the garden that I could live in [a sort of Edna the inebriate woman scenario] but my garden isn't big enough. But then I'm a bit paranoid today because the S.O. who used to live 20 miles away, then 5 miles away has just moved into a house a few hundred yards up the road. Binoculars trained on me as I speak, I would imagine....
 
I'm 43yo, and generally happy as a pig in shit.

My wife and I love each other very much, and enjoy spending time in each others company. But she still goes on holidays with the girls, and I still go to Cheltenham with the lads, and I'm free to get rat-arsed whenever I like - as long as it doesn't clash with one of her own nights out.

I consider us to have more or less a perfect relationship, and it's something I perhaps take for granted too often (I better ping her tonight. :D)

Observe my bliss, and envy me. :cool:
 
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If I had to take a bet on it I'd say no; if the answer is yes then I'd like to know the secret of their success.
 
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